Growing up I was the awkward shy kid. Never talked to anyone, shy around most people, afraid of crowds, afraid that a teacher would call on me and everyone would turn around and stare. I could feel my face tingling, burning, turning a deep shade of crimson. The insides of my ears felt like someone was pouring hot wax in them. Of all things I wanted to remember about my childhood this is the crap I am forced to remember. Having an older brother was difficult too. When you're young and a boy it's a natural thing to hate girls, especially your little sister. I would be called ugly, fat, loser, fatty cakes, David Letterman (thanks to 2 years of braces I'm no longer called that. Thank you), and just about every other nasty thing a brother could say. Granted this childhood experience didn't help me growing up and becoming an adult.
Fast forward a few years....
I still get nervous if my college professor would call on me and I would have no friggin' idea what they were saying or what the answer was. I felt dumb. I felt like a waste of time being in their class, a waste of space. I still get upset if someone says I've put on weight, my hair is frizzy, my skin is bad, or I look like death warmed over.
Just today I got into a really petty, stupid fight with a coworker. She said things like a 12 year old girl would say on the playground. "You're so ugly you can't get a date. You have to look at dick on the internet because no one wants you in real life." She also called me a name that I don't want to repeat on my blog (anywhere else I'd repeat it but not here.) Sure her words upset me, but that's it. They're only WORDS. It's true sticks and stones, yada yada. Some people are cruel for a reason. You need to find that reason, and just learn to laugh it off. For example:
1) She calls me ugly. Ok, well apparently what she, and a lot of other people don't know, is that I used to model. Are models ugly? No. Ok, joke's on her.
2) I can't get a date. Well just because I don't spread my legs for the first man to buy me a beer doesn't make me any less of a person. It doesn't make me ugly, stupid, a bitch, etc. It means I have respect for myself. I won't settle for less. I've learned my lesson.
Anytime someone says anything negative to you or about you, just quickly analyze the situation. It's not all about you. Maybe they're having a bad day, they're stressed, overworked, or drunk. Don't take things to heart. You are letting them win and take your power! Do not let them win! Do not let them know you are upset by anything they say or do.
If someone talks crap about you to another person, why are they? Are they afraid to face you personally? It's a sign of weakness on their part. Be the stronger person and just shrug it off.
You need to learn to have confidence in yourself. Like yourself. Make a list of accomplishments. Make a list of goals.
You are who you are and if people don't like it...FUCK THEM! Not worth your time. You don't need people like that in your life.
I'm not telling you to go be some narcissistic moron that nobody wants to talk to because all you do is brag about yourself, but be proud of who you are. Again, like yourself. Life is too short to wonder why people don't like you or talk shit. Tell them to go fuck themselves (in your head of course) and just be on your merry way.
If you're traumatized by what has happened in your childhood go back and think about certain events. Why did it bother you so much? If that event happened today would it still upset you? Why?
Worried about rejection? Everyone gets rejected. Everyone. If they say differently then they're fucking liars.
Don't live in the past. Live everyday like it's your last and just have fun. Enjoy.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Aoki: Oh No-ey!
*edit: Vanilla Bunny's first name is Eliy*
So after complaining that I never win ANYTHING from the Duran Duran fan club thingy I get an email one night saying that I won tickets (me +1) to a "secret" performance somewhere in NY. Well that's so not helpful to me seeing that I live in freakin' Jersey. Anyway that was all they were telling us. I was so hoping that it wasn't another talk show/late night show. I hate those. Stand in line, get herded like cattle in a room that's 100+ degrees, and basically get treated badly. (Ummm...NBC I be talking to YOU!) As the day got closer we were "fed" more and more minimal information. "Wear whatever you want, it's an indoor 'concert', Steve Aoki will be there (who the fuck is that???), it's not a full concert and tell NOBODY.) Well as you can guess nothing can remain secret regarding Duran Duran. I can honestly say I told no one anything, only those that were already going.
Moving on...I called my co-worker Kathy, who I conned into going to see DD on Jimmy Fallon last March, and asked her if she wanted to go. She has kids and a husband who works odd hours so she said probably not. Fine. No biggie. Fortunately I knew of someone who's friend wanted to go. Tada!
Ok June 20 (JT's bday, first day of summer, hottest and longest day of the freakin' year) is finally here and of course I am shit-tired cuz I didn't sleep much the night before. Big surprise. Get up at 7 am, get ready, head to the bus station at 8:30, and wait forever. Bus finally comes and we pile in like sardines and off we go to NYC. NJ Transit buses smell like crap. I'm sorry but they do. End of story. We arrive in NYC around 11:15. Yea going 2 mph in the Lincoln tunnel=scary shit! I need a pill. I wander around Port Authority taking in the sites and feeling like a tool cuz I have no idea how to navigate such a big building. After a few minutes Sharmila and Shannon find me and off we go to find this venue.
We walk and walk and walk. Taking in the fabulous smells of garbage and piss. Mmm..aaaah. We locate the venue, Terminal 5, and notice 2 people already waiting there. Since I suck at remembering first names I will refer to her by her twitter name, Vanilla Bunny. She and her friend flew in from California and have been waiting since 9 am or so. We pull up a piece of cardboard and sit and wait.
Since my attention span is for crap I will just post some highlights here:
Steve=the man. Thanks for supplying us with details, water, and most importantly Trident gum.
I should mention that the whole concert was sponsored by Trident Gum. Ok whatever, I like Wrigley's.
Acura service place has a fabulous toilet.
I think the Chinese lady at the deli didn't charge me enough for my stuff. Oops.
Lots of guys in suits at the Lexus place.
"Smells like....freezer burnt meat."
This crazy ass Aoki fan with her boyfriend. Obviously high as fuck rambling on about God knows what. I just nod my head. Whateverrrrrrrrr.
The people that worked the venue, or maybe it was Strike Force security, are rude. "I don't want these people in there if they gonna fuckin' run!) Crazy ass bitch.
A couple of misunderstandings about VIP tix.
I got second row even though the Aoki fans had to go up front for his performance. They were told they had to move back as soon as DD were on. Did they? Nope.
I hate techno or whatever the fuck it is Aoki does.
Cake, champagne, and inflatable rafts. 'nuff said (?)
It smelled of rotten meat.
Show started about 8. DD didn't go on til 9:40 (?) I think they were done by 10.
By the time DD went on I had a migraine.
Many verbal fights. DD fans vs Aoki fans. Not pretty.
JT was laughing at us from the VIP area. Bastard. :D
Technical difficulties...
"Play something funky."
Roger is fuckin hot. Sorry but he is.
The remix of HLTW? Meh...
Happy birthday, JT.
"play night boaaaaaaaaaaat"
But most of all I really enjoyed meeting new people that enjoy the same music I do. Sharmila, Shannon, Petra, Eileen (my plus one), Jonee, Vanilla Bunny (what the hell is your first name?), Maya, Debbie, Cyndeeeeeeee, ummm I can't remember! If I forgot you that means I'm a doof and doesn't mean you're not memorable. Thanks for putting up with my sweaty, tired self. You rock my socks. Ok, end corny moment.
:D :D :D
A few pix:
So after complaining that I never win ANYTHING from the Duran Duran fan club thingy I get an email one night saying that I won tickets (me +1) to a "secret" performance somewhere in NY. Well that's so not helpful to me seeing that I live in freakin' Jersey. Anyway that was all they were telling us. I was so hoping that it wasn't another talk show/late night show. I hate those. Stand in line, get herded like cattle in a room that's 100+ degrees, and basically get treated badly. (Ummm...NBC I be talking to YOU!) As the day got closer we were "fed" more and more minimal information. "Wear whatever you want, it's an indoor 'concert', Steve Aoki will be there (who the fuck is that???), it's not a full concert and tell NOBODY.) Well as you can guess nothing can remain secret regarding Duran Duran. I can honestly say I told no one anything, only those that were already going.
Moving on...I called my co-worker Kathy, who I conned into going to see DD on Jimmy Fallon last March, and asked her if she wanted to go. She has kids and a husband who works odd hours so she said probably not. Fine. No biggie. Fortunately I knew of someone who's friend wanted to go. Tada!
Ok June 20 (JT's bday, first day of summer, hottest and longest day of the freakin' year) is finally here and of course I am shit-tired cuz I didn't sleep much the night before. Big surprise. Get up at 7 am, get ready, head to the bus station at 8:30, and wait forever. Bus finally comes and we pile in like sardines and off we go to NYC. NJ Transit buses smell like crap. I'm sorry but they do. End of story. We arrive in NYC around 11:15. Yea going 2 mph in the Lincoln tunnel=scary shit! I need a pill. I wander around Port Authority taking in the sites and feeling like a tool cuz I have no idea how to navigate such a big building. After a few minutes Sharmila and Shannon find me and off we go to find this venue.
We walk and walk and walk. Taking in the fabulous smells of garbage and piss. Mmm..aaaah. We locate the venue, Terminal 5, and notice 2 people already waiting there. Since I suck at remembering first names I will refer to her by her twitter name, Vanilla Bunny. She and her friend flew in from California and have been waiting since 9 am or so. We pull up a piece of cardboard and sit and wait.
Since my attention span is for crap I will just post some highlights here:
Steve=the man. Thanks for supplying us with details, water, and most importantly Trident gum.
I should mention that the whole concert was sponsored by Trident Gum. Ok whatever, I like Wrigley's.
Acura service place has a fabulous toilet.
I think the Chinese lady at the deli didn't charge me enough for my stuff. Oops.
Lots of guys in suits at the Lexus place.
"Smells like....freezer burnt meat."
This crazy ass Aoki fan with her boyfriend. Obviously high as fuck rambling on about God knows what. I just nod my head. Whateverrrrrrrrr.
The people that worked the venue, or maybe it was Strike Force security, are rude. "I don't want these people in there if they gonna fuckin' run!) Crazy ass bitch.
A couple of misunderstandings about VIP tix.
I got second row even though the Aoki fans had to go up front for his performance. They were told they had to move back as soon as DD were on. Did they? Nope.
I hate techno or whatever the fuck it is Aoki does.
Cake, champagne, and inflatable rafts. 'nuff said (?)
It smelled of rotten meat.
Show started about 8. DD didn't go on til 9:40 (?) I think they were done by 10.
By the time DD went on I had a migraine.
Many verbal fights. DD fans vs Aoki fans. Not pretty.
JT was laughing at us from the VIP area. Bastard. :D
Technical difficulties...
"Play something funky."
Roger is fuckin hot. Sorry but he is.
The remix of HLTW? Meh...
Happy birthday, JT.
"play night boaaaaaaaaaaat"
But most of all I really enjoyed meeting new people that enjoy the same music I do. Sharmila, Shannon, Petra, Eileen (my plus one), Jonee, Vanilla Bunny (what the hell is your first name?), Maya, Debbie, Cyndeeeeeeee, ummm I can't remember! If I forgot you that means I'm a doof and doesn't mean you're not memorable. Thanks for putting up with my sweaty, tired self. You rock my socks. Ok, end corny moment.
:D :D :D
A few pix:
 |
| say Cheesey |
 |
| umm Helloooooo |
 |
| JT laughing at us |
 |
| somehow I ended up getting a crotchful of Anna |
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