Growing up I was the awkward shy kid. Never talked to anyone, shy around most people, afraid of crowds, afraid that a teacher would call on me and everyone would turn around and stare. I could feel my face tingling, burning, turning a deep shade of crimson. The insides of my ears felt like someone was pouring hot wax in them. Of all things I wanted to remember about my childhood this is the crap I am forced to remember. Having an older brother was difficult too. When you're young and a boy it's a natural thing to hate girls, especially your little sister. I would be called ugly, fat, loser, fatty cakes, David Letterman (thanks to 2 years of braces I'm no longer called that. Thank you), and just about every other nasty thing a brother could say. Granted this childhood experience didn't help me growing up and becoming an adult.
Fast forward a few years....
I still get nervous if my college professor would call on me and I would have no friggin' idea what they were saying or what the answer was. I felt dumb. I felt like a waste of time being in their class, a waste of space. I still get upset if someone says I've put on weight, my hair is frizzy, my skin is bad, or I look like death warmed over.
Just today I got into a really petty, stupid fight with a coworker. She said things like a 12 year old girl would say on the playground. "You're so ugly you can't get a date. You have to look at dick on the internet because no one wants you in real life." She also called me a name that I don't want to repeat on my blog (anywhere else I'd repeat it but not here.) Sure her words upset me, but that's it. They're only WORDS. It's true sticks and stones, yada yada. Some people are cruel for a reason. You need to find that reason, and just learn to laugh it off. For example:
1) She calls me ugly. Ok, well apparently what she, and a lot of other people don't know, is that I used to model. Are models ugly? No. Ok, joke's on her.
2) I can't get a date. Well just because I don't spread my legs for the first man to buy me a beer doesn't make me any less of a person. It doesn't make me ugly, stupid, a bitch, etc. It means I have respect for myself. I won't settle for less. I've learned my lesson.
Anytime someone says anything negative to you or about you, just quickly analyze the situation. It's not all about you. Maybe they're having a bad day, they're stressed, overworked, or drunk. Don't take things to heart. You are letting them win and take your power! Do not let them win! Do not let them know you are upset by anything they say or do.
If someone talks crap about you to another person, why are they? Are they afraid to face you personally? It's a sign of weakness on their part. Be the stronger person and just shrug it off.
You need to learn to have confidence in yourself. Like yourself. Make a list of accomplishments. Make a list of goals.
You are who you are and if people don't like it...FUCK THEM! Not worth your time. You don't need people like that in your life.
I'm not telling you to go be some narcissistic moron that nobody wants to talk to because all you do is brag about yourself, but be proud of who you are. Again, like yourself. Life is too short to wonder why people don't like you or talk shit. Tell them to go fuck themselves (in your head of course) and just be on your merry way.
If you're traumatized by what has happened in your childhood go back and think about certain events. Why did it bother you so much? If that event happened today would it still upset you? Why?
Worried about rejection? Everyone gets rejected. Everyone. If they say differently then they're fucking liars.
Don't live in the past. Live everyday like it's your last and just have fun. Enjoy.
No comments:
Post a Comment