Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
untitled
not in one of those "write a bunch of upsetting shit til I find myself crying alone in my bed and wonder why I resemble a rabbit in the morning." Just not. Today was not a good day. To anyone else that isn't me it probably wouldn't have been that bad. A day or so before Thanksgiving I received a letter from Walmart saying that Coopervision was recalling certain contact lenses. (Why is Walmart sending me these letters? I go to the vision center in their store. Oi.) Side effects didn't seem that bad (no death, coma, decreased libido, purple spots, etc) just irritation and hazy vision. Well I have that all the time contacts or no contacts. Anyway I finally get to Walmart (another idiot move happened yesterday that prevented me from going) the supervisor (to whom I was supposed to talk to regarding this matter) said I had to make an appointment for a different day to get re-fitted. Re-fitted for what? You guys should have all of my measurements/prescriptions/whatever on my file. I asked the guy that made my appointment whether or not this would be considered a visit-visit or just a 15 minute doesn't have to go through insurance (which I DON'T have). He said he hadn't the faintest idea. Confidence right there. So now I have to go on Friday for this "visit." If it counts as a full visit I have no money to pay for it right now. I'm going away on Monday for a week which means I won't be working to make peanuts..I mean MONEY. Right. Everything goes wrong when I'm going away.
What else went wrong?
Let's see about 8 pairs of my pants DO NOT FIT. And not in the good way of not fitting. Started a fairly decent exercise regime and diet and it still isn't doing SHIT. I feel like ripping all of my clothes up. Tired of looking at clothes that will probably never fit me again. My left knee (which If you know...I'm talking to you Ceri cuz you seem like the only person that reads these or listens to me) has been hurting like crazy since August when I was in Florida. Got so bad I couldn't walk without dragging my foot or doing some kind of modified glide step. So exercising on bad knees just seems somewhat counterproductive. If the pain gets bad I'm stealing a wheel chair. Seriously.
It seemed that the scale at work was not calibrated. Well stupid me fixed it and I still weigh not 200 but a few kilos (i dunno kilos) less. But not much. What the hell? I eat just the same amount and the same kind of food. What is the fuckin deal? It's annoying and making me more depressed.
How can I be in a relationship of any kind with anyone else if I can't even say one thing nice about myself. If I wasn't me I'd tell myself to go fuck myself.
Goodnite.
What else went wrong?
Let's see about 8 pairs of my pants DO NOT FIT. And not in the good way of not fitting. Started a fairly decent exercise regime and diet and it still isn't doing SHIT. I feel like ripping all of my clothes up. Tired of looking at clothes that will probably never fit me again. My left knee (which If you know...I'm talking to you Ceri cuz you seem like the only person that reads these or listens to me) has been hurting like crazy since August when I was in Florida. Got so bad I couldn't walk without dragging my foot or doing some kind of modified glide step. So exercising on bad knees just seems somewhat counterproductive. If the pain gets bad I'm stealing a wheel chair. Seriously.
It seemed that the scale at work was not calibrated. Well stupid me fixed it and I still weigh not 200 but a few kilos (i dunno kilos) less. But not much. What the hell? I eat just the same amount and the same kind of food. What is the fuckin deal? It's annoying and making me more depressed.
How can I be in a relationship of any kind with anyone else if I can't even say one thing nice about myself. If I wasn't me I'd tell myself to go fuck myself.
Goodnite.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Pre-Turkey, Be Quirky
*last night's blog has been CANCELED due to the weird skin reaction that I got from applying the thing I was going to review...*
Anyway,
I wouldn't say I like to lie to people I just like to embellish the truth a little. Make life a little more spicy in my rather bland "oatmeal" world. For instance I like to say that I was in certain music videos, preferably in my fave singers/bands videos. Ya see I betcha didn't know I was in a Steve Winwood video:
see? That's me right there. Yep.
Ok so that isn't me, but isn't life a little more spicy now? Sure it is.
Another thing I like to embellish about is guys I have dated, or just plain made out with. Example:
Oh Andrew, you can never do me wrong...
My hair was shorter then. I was experimenting with many options back then I have since grown my hair long.
I also like to pretend I'm friends with celebrities via Twitter.
@WilliamZabka
@thisistherealLC don't beat urself up. It took years to groom & they don't sell that brand of mouse anymore. #TrueColours by Vidal Sassoon
I mean Johnny Lawrence REALLY is my friend. He sends me messages through the cable box. Every morning at 3:00 when it restarts itself I know for a fact that Billy Zabka is thinking about me.
:dies:
Let's move on away from the "lies" shall we? Yes we shall.
So I made the stupid mistake of weighing myself at work. Heh. Obviously the scale is broken because I do NOT weigh 200 lbs. At least I hope not. Looking like an ostrich is not a good look for me. Although I would like to someday just bury my head in the sand. I made a "vow" before I go to Florida (Dec 5-12) that I would at least try to fit in one size smaller than I am. Can it be done? What about my roaring cheese addiction? Will that have to say "bye bye?" Well, yes. Sad. Cutting down on cheese is harder than quitting cigarettes. Seriously. Cheese probably won't cause emphysema (well I hope not) so you don't really associate cheese with bad things. Unless you eat a 2 lb block of it and your colon explodes then that is a different story completely. But yea I need to cut down on the cheese. No soda. No pop tarts. No fun. Gah! I also downloaded Leslie Sansone's 5 Mile Walk whatever thingy DVD. I thought the work out (which consists of..well..walking in place with some high impact alternatives) was going to be a piece of cake. Mmm..cake...*smacks head* WRONG! My legs are killing me. I did 2 miles of walking/jogging and I wanted to seriously projectile vomit all over the wall. I will not give up though. I "vow" (yes there's that dreaded word again) to do the workout everyday until the day I leave. I need to seriously cut the crap.
There I confessed. I am a cheese-a-holic, a cheesy, a cheese whore..
"what's he gonna confess? takin' a shit?"
I will keep you informed of such weight updates (well maybe...)
Current weight: 200 lbs (according to work..I just about died laughing)
Goal weight: anything less than that horrid number I just mentioned
Dress size: (ok, I don't wear dresses so I guess pant size?) 12
Goal: 00 (ha maybe if I cut 1/2 of my body off, including all of my arse)
Another thing I need to get done before Florida is my hair. Every picture I have of me shows off the fact that I have an enlarged forehead. In real life it isn't that big but pictures just make my head look like a globe or something. If you know me then you would know that I HATE getting my hair cut. HATE IT! When I was 16/17 I had David Bowie/Billy Idol hair, John Taylor burgundy hair, the awkward mullet stage, etc. Nowadays, forget it. I'm so paranoid that the hairdresser is going to cut my hair too short and I seriously have panic attacks.
If not a serious haircut then maybe some highlights.
Hmm maybe not.
Well that's Lauren's self-improvement for the week. Crap tomorrow's Thanksgiving. Turkey doesn't contain cheese so I should be good. But all those delicious pies will be staring me right in the face saying "Have some LC, we are GOOOOOD!" but no! I will punch those pies! NO NO NO!
To all my American readers (which is probably none) Happy Thanksgiving! and if you're not American then umm...Happy Thursday! :o)
Til we meet again,
-L-
Anyway,
I wouldn't say I like to lie to people I just like to embellish the truth a little. Make life a little more spicy in my rather bland "oatmeal" world. For instance I like to say that I was in certain music videos, preferably in my fave singers/bands videos. Ya see I betcha didn't know I was in a Steve Winwood video:
see? That's me right there. Yep.
Ok so that isn't me, but isn't life a little more spicy now? Sure it is.
Another thing I like to embellish about is guys I have dated, or just plain made out with. Example:
Oh Andrew, you can never do me wrong...
My hair was shorter then. I was experimenting with many options back then I have since grown my hair long.
I also like to pretend I'm friends with celebrities via Twitter.
@WilliamZabka
@thisistherealLC don't beat urself up. It took years to groom & they don't sell that brand of mouse anymore. #TrueColours by Vidal Sassoon
I mean Johnny Lawrence REALLY is my friend. He sends me messages through the cable box. Every morning at 3:00 when it restarts itself I know for a fact that Billy Zabka is thinking about me.
:dies:
Let's move on away from the "lies" shall we? Yes we shall.
So I made the stupid mistake of weighing myself at work. Heh. Obviously the scale is broken because I do NOT weigh 200 lbs. At least I hope not. Looking like an ostrich is not a good look for me. Although I would like to someday just bury my head in the sand. I made a "vow" before I go to Florida (Dec 5-12) that I would at least try to fit in one size smaller than I am. Can it be done? What about my roaring cheese addiction? Will that have to say "bye bye?" Well, yes. Sad. Cutting down on cheese is harder than quitting cigarettes. Seriously. Cheese probably won't cause emphysema (well I hope not) so you don't really associate cheese with bad things. Unless you eat a 2 lb block of it and your colon explodes then that is a different story completely. But yea I need to cut down on the cheese. No soda. No pop tarts. No fun. Gah! I also downloaded Leslie Sansone's 5 Mile Walk whatever thingy DVD. I thought the work out (which consists of..well..walking in place with some high impact alternatives) was going to be a piece of cake. Mmm..cake...*smacks head* WRONG! My legs are killing me. I did 2 miles of walking/jogging and I wanted to seriously projectile vomit all over the wall. I will not give up though. I "vow" (yes there's that dreaded word again) to do the workout everyday until the day I leave. I need to seriously cut the crap.
There I confessed. I am a cheese-a-holic, a cheesy, a cheese whore..
"what's he gonna confess? takin' a shit?"
I will keep you informed of such weight updates (well maybe...)
Current weight: 200 lbs (according to work..I just about died laughing)
Goal weight: anything less than that horrid number I just mentioned
Dress size: (ok, I don't wear dresses so I guess pant size?) 12
Goal: 00 (ha maybe if I cut 1/2 of my body off, including all of my arse)
Another thing I need to get done before Florida is my hair. Every picture I have of me shows off the fact that I have an enlarged forehead. In real life it isn't that big but pictures just make my head look like a globe or something. If you know me then you would know that I HATE getting my hair cut. HATE IT! When I was 16/17 I had David Bowie/Billy Idol hair, John Taylor burgundy hair, the awkward mullet stage, etc. Nowadays, forget it. I'm so paranoid that the hairdresser is going to cut my hair too short and I seriously have panic attacks.
If not a serious haircut then maybe some highlights.
Hmm maybe not.
Well that's Lauren's self-improvement for the week. Crap tomorrow's Thanksgiving. Turkey doesn't contain cheese so I should be good. But all those delicious pies will be staring me right in the face saying "Have some LC, we are GOOOOOD!" but no! I will punch those pies! NO NO NO!
To all my American readers (which is probably none) Happy Thanksgiving! and if you're not American then umm...Happy Thursday! :o)
Til we meet again,
-L-
Monday, November 21, 2011
Long overdue concert review
So yes I finally saw Duran Duran in concert. What the fuck was I waiting for? I dunno. Anyway...
The Friday before the concert (concert was on Sat, Oct 29) I was running around like a nut trying to find friggin cat accessories. I planned on dressing up for Halloween, so don't think I'm some weird cat woman that eats cat food and takes animal steroids/tranquilizers. Went all over the damn place and ended up spending like $15 at the Halloween store. I popped by my sister's house to discuss times and whatnot. We ended up playing with Mookie R, and playing Texas Hold 'em til 1 am. I needed to practice just in case I decided to wander into the "High Roller" section at the Borgata (where the concert was FYI...)
Oh I forgot to mention an important detail (well semi-important) it was supposed to SNOW. Snow. What the hell? So of course I was a tad bit worried that the concert would be canceled.
Yea so I wake up that beautiful Saturday morn.' Heh right. Get my outfit together: a T-shirt that read "Play the f*ckin bass John!" (which got good reviews from some fans), and my cat accessories. My sister came over to pick me up and I made her wear a holster, a cowgirl hat, and she drew on a fake mustache. She looked like dirty Sanchez.
We get on the parkway, blow all over the road, freeze to death, etc. We arrived at the Borgata around 2:30 and wandered in a circle for a few minutes before realizing where we had to be was pretty much right in front of us. Duh. There was already a line of people forming and since security doesn't like that they gave us a wristband (hehehe...enter SLB line here). My sister and I went off to the Long Bar to have a few drinks where the waitress ignored us completely. We think because my sister was dressed up as a Tex-Mex man. Who knows. Security told us to be back at 4:30 where we would take the escalator upstairs to again wait in another line.
Blah blah blah we go upstairs and we're pretty close to the front of the line. The mega-super-dork fans were complaining to security that it's not fair that they got here first and the numbers on their wristbands don't make sense. Who fuckin cares? Once they open the doors go apeshit and run towards the stage. Oi! We find out the doors aren't opening until like 7:30 or so, so of course I head towards the bar and get a few more drinks. On one of my many trips back to my place in line from the bar I hear someone call my name. It's Maya, someone I talked to on Twitter. She recognized, if I remember correctly, the cat costume shit I said I'd be wearing. We get to talking and I tell her to come cut the line. I also met Nicu72 from Twitter. Nice gals. Anyway....
They finally opened the doors, I grabbed my sister's hand and we speedwalk to the stage. Security told me to slow down. Yea whatever, douche nut. 3rd rowish in the middle.
Concert starts (no opening act. good.) Some highlights:
1) Simon looked GOOD. Ok and you all know who my fave is.
2) JT didn't look AS thin as some of his pix make him look.
3) JT had some kind of technical difficulty...
4) Dom is pretty good looking
5) Barely saw Roger. :(
6) Nick as a unicorn? Priceless!
7) They didn't play Girls on Film :(
8) They didn't chant "play the fuckin bass John." Double :(
9) SLB didn't crack at the end of Ordinary World. And I didn't cry my eyes out. Good thing.
10)Some dork kept saying "happy halloween!" to me when they were doing Notorious.
11) OMG LIGHTS!
12) Ana Matronic and Mark Ronson were there.
13) Nick picked up Maya's "Fear Le Beard" shirt. Just throw it!
14) JT as a cow was umm...interesting.
15) Simon's finger lick/suck thing. Oh Jesus...*dies*
16) Simon stroking our pussies. Again I died.
17) Met some really NIFTY people!! :o)
18) Had my pic taken with Ana Matronic, who was extremely nice and told me that out of the last couple shows she did she was the most relaxed at this one. The pic disappeared :(
19) Mark Ronson seemed annoyed that people wanted a pic with him. Well whatever.
20) Saw Lindsay's ex, Sam Ronson.
If anyone can add some more highlights please let me know! I draw big blanks all the time!
I will add pix soon for those not friends with me on Facebook.
Ok thxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The Friday before the concert (concert was on Sat, Oct 29) I was running around like a nut trying to find friggin cat accessories. I planned on dressing up for Halloween, so don't think I'm some weird cat woman that eats cat food and takes animal steroids/tranquilizers. Went all over the damn place and ended up spending like $15 at the Halloween store. I popped by my sister's house to discuss times and whatnot. We ended up playing with Mookie R, and playing Texas Hold 'em til 1 am. I needed to practice just in case I decided to wander into the "High Roller" section at the Borgata (where the concert was FYI...)
Oh I forgot to mention an important detail (well semi-important) it was supposed to SNOW. Snow. What the hell? So of course I was a tad bit worried that the concert would be canceled.
Yea so I wake up that beautiful Saturday morn.' Heh right. Get my outfit together: a T-shirt that read "Play the f*ckin bass John!" (which got good reviews from some fans), and my cat accessories. My sister came over to pick me up and I made her wear a holster, a cowgirl hat, and she drew on a fake mustache. She looked like dirty Sanchez.
We get on the parkway, blow all over the road, freeze to death, etc. We arrived at the Borgata around 2:30 and wandered in a circle for a few minutes before realizing where we had to be was pretty much right in front of us. Duh. There was already a line of people forming and since security doesn't like that they gave us a wristband (hehehe...enter SLB line here). My sister and I went off to the Long Bar to have a few drinks where the waitress ignored us completely. We think because my sister was dressed up as a Tex-Mex man. Who knows. Security told us to be back at 4:30 where we would take the escalator upstairs to again wait in another line.
Blah blah blah we go upstairs and we're pretty close to the front of the line. The mega-super-dork fans were complaining to security that it's not fair that they got here first and the numbers on their wristbands don't make sense. Who fuckin cares? Once they open the doors go apeshit and run towards the stage. Oi! We find out the doors aren't opening until like 7:30 or so, so of course I head towards the bar and get a few more drinks. On one of my many trips back to my place in line from the bar I hear someone call my name. It's Maya, someone I talked to on Twitter. She recognized, if I remember correctly, the cat costume shit I said I'd be wearing. We get to talking and I tell her to come cut the line. I also met Nicu72 from Twitter. Nice gals. Anyway....
They finally opened the doors, I grabbed my sister's hand and we speedwalk to the stage. Security told me to slow down. Yea whatever, douche nut. 3rd rowish in the middle.
Concert starts (no opening act. good.) Some highlights:
1) Simon looked GOOD. Ok and you all know who my fave is.
2) JT didn't look AS thin as some of his pix make him look.
3) JT had some kind of technical difficulty...
4) Dom is pretty good looking
5) Barely saw Roger. :(
6) Nick as a unicorn? Priceless!
7) They didn't play Girls on Film :(
8) They didn't chant "play the fuckin bass John." Double :(
9) SLB didn't crack at the end of Ordinary World. And I didn't cry my eyes out. Good thing.
10)Some dork kept saying "happy halloween!" to me when they were doing Notorious.
11) OMG LIGHTS!
12) Ana Matronic and Mark Ronson were there.
13) Nick picked up Maya's "Fear Le Beard" shirt. Just throw it!
14) JT as a cow was umm...interesting.
15) Simon's finger lick/suck thing. Oh Jesus...*dies*
16) Simon stroking our pussies. Again I died.
17) Met some really NIFTY people!! :o)
18) Had my pic taken with Ana Matronic, who was extremely nice and told me that out of the last couple shows she did she was the most relaxed at this one. The pic disappeared :(
19) Mark Ronson seemed annoyed that people wanted a pic with him. Well whatever.
20) Saw Lindsay's ex, Sam Ronson.
If anyone can add some more highlights please let me know! I draw big blanks all the time!
I will add pix soon for those not friends with me on Facebook.
Ok thxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday, August 29, 2011
School girl fantasies a.k.a. What the frig was I smoking?
Okay so I like to start my blogs with the word "okay." Okay. Anyway. When I was a young chippy (chip? potato? I dunno) I had a variety of "hunks" filling my head with innocent fantasies. And I do mean innocent. Until recently where I found myself fantasizing about meeting Ralph Macchio at the 7-11 and he's buying nachos and a Slurpee. Just a sick, sad world I live in. I can't help it. Let's take it step-by-step, shall we? Ok Lauren's analysis on the slightly dubious.
Crush #1:
Corey Feldman: ok, where does one even begin with this one? I don't like CF now-a-days, I usually like the heroin/coke addicts before they find Jesus. Perhaps I like him cuz he was known as "Mouth" in the Goonies (which ROCKS ASSSSS by the way...) but he has a nifty voice. Remember him in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Sure ya do. Biggest downfall? Hanging out with Corey Haim (RIP). Feldman had pretty good hair (until he started the whole MJ juicy mullet thing. blech), nice eyes/eyebrows (I'm a sucker for good, strong, framing eyebrows...no uni's), and he really wasn't a fat/skinny fuck. No I wouldn't go to bed with him, barf, but back in the day that was not what I was into. I was young and dumb! Moving on!
Crush #2:
John Stamos: ooh wowie...excuse me a second. *wipes sweat off brow* my neighbor/best friend growing up and I were IN LOVE with John Stamos a.k.a. Uncle Jesse from Full House. Yea that corny ass 80's/90's show with the annoying blonde haired daughters that you just wanted to punch. My friend and I named all of our dolls "Jesse." We looked forward to the re-runs and were sad when Full House was taken off during the summer months. (Why oh friggin why?) Full House was good up until a point. I guess it was around 1992. Michelle started talking and I seriously wanted to vomit in her (their) millionaire face(s).
John seriously, I will buy Dannon's Greek Yogurt if you come over and spoon feed it to me...or just smear it all over your chest. Either one will do. THANKS!
Crush #3:
Ralph Macchio: Picture if you will a couple of giddy girls watching the beginning of Karate Kid 2, seeing Daniel LaRusso in his powder blue tux and yellow car, laughing like a bunch of asses and turning the tape off. That was how we got our jollies. Just face it: Ralphie is some sort of....god? Maybe god isn't the appropriate word here but it just seems to fit. Ralph looks the same as he did about fifteen/twenty years ago. Maybe his hair changed a bit (and no it's not a rug!) but that seems to be it. He seems like he'd be the typical L.I. guido smart ass but judging by what people say about him I am proven wrong. His movie roles usually gear towards the typical whiny, Italian, wise-cracking, pompous asshole but that is something I love. If you were from NJ you'd understand my theory.
I still cry at the end of The Outsiders (oh shut up, you know you do too), and I find it pretty nifty that he was almost dead-on accurate when playing guitar in Crossroads (although he really didn't play...hmmm) Sure I wanted to sweep his leg in the first Karate Kid (who didn't?) but after a while Daniel-san started to grow on me. Not literally. He is not a fungus. Let's not forget Dancing With the Stars when he came out shaking his ass with butt pads on. Holy Christ I almost had a heart attack and died. The man has nice buns.
My sister had a crush on him as well so I guess it runs in the family. Tee hee hee. My sister kinda resembles him too if she were to cut her hair and wear a denim jacket. Ha. <333
Crush #4
Charlie Sheen: oh Charlie Charlie Charlie...what a mess you've made. Loved Sheen in Cadence, No Man's Land (starring another one of my crushes), Ferris Bueller, Platoon, the Rookie, and Hot Shots. But the movie that made him win my young feeble heart? Men At Work. Yessssss the movie where they (Emilio and Charlie) find a dead politician in the garbage. LOVE! Hahaha. What is it about Sheen? Definitely the eyebrows. The strong, dark, defining eyebrows. They weren't overly bushy or "freshly tweezed" girl eyebrows. Strong and manly brows. Rawwwwwr. Ok stop that. These days Charlie ain't looking so hot with a hooker on each arm and an indiscernible amount of gold teeth in his alcohol soaked mouth. But what can ya do?
Crush #5:
William Zabka: not a day goes by where I don't feel the urge to scream "Screw you Mellon!" out my car window. Ah yes, Billy Z. Johnny Lawrence. Sweep the leg, Johnny. Yes you remember him. Greg Tolan pussy toss for distance! "He's a tulip!" Why would I like such a jerky character? I dunno. Maybe it goes back to when my sister was "not dating" this guy named Todd. He was a jerk. He'd come over on his crappy boat taunting me and my brother. Now he's a fat lawyer in Lauderdale with 4 kids. Wah waaaaaaaaaaaah. Anyway, I am just prone to jerky guys. But of course in reality Billy is NOT a jerk. Ugh. Why are guys nice? Anywho, I find this a slightly unusual physical crush because I usually go for dark haired guys. Totally non-Aryan looking types. Hmm was that wrong? I don't mean Billy is a Nazi or anything...oh well you get what I mean. Hopefully. My Billy Fanta-Z? Sitting next to him in first class on a plane going to Tahiti..and.....well we won't go there...use your own sick imagination. Harrrrrr!
Crush #6
John Taylor: "who's that guy with the orange hair? oh yea, I wanna *$@##(*$)% him and also *%&)) his *$&%*(&$#(*%. Ok enough. But that was my initial reaction when I first saw a picture of JT. I was familiar with Rio a.k.a the boat video and Hungry Like the Wolf a.k.a. the table flipping video. He was the reason I started playing bass. I had fantasies of playing on stage with him. Then hopping into my hot tub at my Malibu beach house. Riiiiight. Unfortunately he has taken a few wrong turns in his life, and I'm not even talking about the drugs and alcoholism, I'm taking about HER. She shall remain nameless. She is vomitus. John supposedly likes Nutella. And according to me he likes menthol shampoo. So there. I wouldn't want to marry him but a 15 night stand I wouldn't mind. HAAAAAAA!
Crush #7
D.B. Sweeney: never heard of him? *smacks your head* Go watch No Man's Land. Porsches, Charlie Sheen, and DB's stomach. HOT. GO. WATCH. NOOOOOOW!
oh yea he was in the Cutting Edge too...don't watch that.
Crush #8
James Spader: another one that plays jerky characters but really is a nice guy in person. You remember him as Stef (why did he have a girl's name and his girlfriend had a boy's name?) in Pretty In Pink. Total yuppie. Blech. Please wear socks with shoes. But in all seriousness did you ever see the movie Crash? Weird but...holy shit. Don't watch before bed! Tee hee hee.
Well now you've witnessed/discovered my sick sad fantasy world I live in. I'm pretty tame and mellow these days. Back then my idea of a good time would've been getting high with John Taylor in one of his fancy schmancy hotel rooms with SLB passed out in the tub. These days my idea of a good time would be sharing an Evian while watching deer drinking from a stream. Oh man.
Somebody KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Ta ta!
xxxxxLCxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Crush #1:
Corey Feldman: ok, where does one even begin with this one? I don't like CF now-a-days, I usually like the heroin/coke addicts before they find Jesus. Perhaps I like him cuz he was known as "Mouth" in the Goonies (which ROCKS ASSSSS by the way...) but he has a nifty voice. Remember him in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Sure ya do. Biggest downfall? Hanging out with Corey Haim (RIP). Feldman had pretty good hair (until he started the whole MJ juicy mullet thing. blech), nice eyes/eyebrows (I'm a sucker for good, strong, framing eyebrows...no uni's), and he really wasn't a fat/skinny fuck. No I wouldn't go to bed with him, barf, but back in the day that was not what I was into. I was young and dumb! Moving on!
Crush #2:
John Stamos: ooh wowie...excuse me a second. *wipes sweat off brow* my neighbor/best friend growing up and I were IN LOVE with John Stamos a.k.a. Uncle Jesse from Full House. Yea that corny ass 80's/90's show with the annoying blonde haired daughters that you just wanted to punch. My friend and I named all of our dolls "Jesse." We looked forward to the re-runs and were sad when Full House was taken off during the summer months. (Why oh friggin why?) Full House was good up until a point. I guess it was around 1992. Michelle started talking and I seriously wanted to vomit in her (their) millionaire face(s).
John seriously, I will buy Dannon's Greek Yogurt if you come over and spoon feed it to me...or just smear it all over your chest. Either one will do. THANKS!
Crush #3:
Ralph Macchio: Picture if you will a couple of giddy girls watching the beginning of Karate Kid 2, seeing Daniel LaRusso in his powder blue tux and yellow car, laughing like a bunch of asses and turning the tape off. That was how we got our jollies. Just face it: Ralphie is some sort of....god? Maybe god isn't the appropriate word here but it just seems to fit. Ralph looks the same as he did about fifteen/twenty years ago. Maybe his hair changed a bit (and no it's not a rug!) but that seems to be it. He seems like he'd be the typical L.I. guido smart ass but judging by what people say about him I am proven wrong. His movie roles usually gear towards the typical whiny, Italian, wise-cracking, pompous asshole but that is something I love. If you were from NJ you'd understand my theory.
I still cry at the end of The Outsiders (oh shut up, you know you do too), and I find it pretty nifty that he was almost dead-on accurate when playing guitar in Crossroads (although he really didn't play...hmmm) Sure I wanted to sweep his leg in the first Karate Kid (who didn't?) but after a while Daniel-san started to grow on me. Not literally. He is not a fungus. Let's not forget Dancing With the Stars when he came out shaking his ass with butt pads on. Holy Christ I almost had a heart attack and died. The man has nice buns.
My sister had a crush on him as well so I guess it runs in the family. Tee hee hee. My sister kinda resembles him too if she were to cut her hair and wear a denim jacket. Ha. <333
Crush #4
Charlie Sheen: oh Charlie Charlie Charlie...what a mess you've made. Loved Sheen in Cadence, No Man's Land (starring another one of my crushes), Ferris Bueller, Platoon, the Rookie, and Hot Shots. But the movie that made him win my young feeble heart? Men At Work. Yessssss the movie where they (Emilio and Charlie) find a dead politician in the garbage. LOVE! Hahaha. What is it about Sheen? Definitely the eyebrows. The strong, dark, defining eyebrows. They weren't overly bushy or "freshly tweezed" girl eyebrows. Strong and manly brows. Rawwwwwr. Ok stop that. These days Charlie ain't looking so hot with a hooker on each arm and an indiscernible amount of gold teeth in his alcohol soaked mouth. But what can ya do?
Crush #5:
William Zabka: not a day goes by where I don't feel the urge to scream "Screw you Mellon!" out my car window. Ah yes, Billy Z. Johnny Lawrence. Sweep the leg, Johnny. Yes you remember him. Greg Tolan pussy toss for distance! "He's a tulip!" Why would I like such a jerky character? I dunno. Maybe it goes back to when my sister was "not dating" this guy named Todd. He was a jerk. He'd come over on his crappy boat taunting me and my brother. Now he's a fat lawyer in Lauderdale with 4 kids. Wah waaaaaaaaaaaah. Anyway, I am just prone to jerky guys. But of course in reality Billy is NOT a jerk. Ugh. Why are guys nice? Anywho, I find this a slightly unusual physical crush because I usually go for dark haired guys. Totally non-Aryan looking types. Hmm was that wrong? I don't mean Billy is a Nazi or anything...oh well you get what I mean. Hopefully. My Billy Fanta-Z? Sitting next to him in first class on a plane going to Tahiti..and.....well we won't go there...use your own sick imagination. Harrrrrr!
Crush #6
John Taylor: "who's that guy with the orange hair? oh yea, I wanna *$@##(*$)% him and also *%&)) his *$&%*(&$#(*%. Ok enough. But that was my initial reaction when I first saw a picture of JT. I was familiar with Rio a.k.a the boat video and Hungry Like the Wolf a.k.a. the table flipping video. He was the reason I started playing bass. I had fantasies of playing on stage with him. Then hopping into my hot tub at my Malibu beach house. Riiiiight. Unfortunately he has taken a few wrong turns in his life, and I'm not even talking about the drugs and alcoholism, I'm taking about HER. She shall remain nameless. She is vomitus. John supposedly likes Nutella. And according to me he likes menthol shampoo. So there. I wouldn't want to marry him but a 15 night stand I wouldn't mind. HAAAAAAA!
Crush #7
D.B. Sweeney: never heard of him? *smacks your head* Go watch No Man's Land. Porsches, Charlie Sheen, and DB's stomach. HOT. GO. WATCH. NOOOOOOW!
oh yea he was in the Cutting Edge too...don't watch that.
Crush #8
James Spader: another one that plays jerky characters but really is a nice guy in person. You remember him as Stef (why did he have a girl's name and his girlfriend had a boy's name?) in Pretty In Pink. Total yuppie. Blech. Please wear socks with shoes. But in all seriousness did you ever see the movie Crash? Weird but...holy shit. Don't watch before bed! Tee hee hee.
Well now you've witnessed/discovered my sick sad fantasy world I live in. I'm pretty tame and mellow these days. Back then my idea of a good time would've been getting high with John Taylor in one of his fancy schmancy hotel rooms with SLB passed out in the tub. These days my idea of a good time would be sharing an Evian while watching deer drinking from a stream. Oh man.
Somebody KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Ta ta!
xxxxxLCxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Not Dead...
I just wanted to let you all (all 2 people that read this blog) that I am in fact alive and well and still residing in this dump I call New Jersey. Anywho. I've been trying to enjoy the simple things in life. The things I know are there but really don't take the time to appreciate them.
Where I live. The trees. The sunset. The frogs that scare the hell out of me whenever I walk past them on the green. The warmth and subtle humidity in the air. The smell of someone doing laundry down the street. The infectious scent wafting in my direction. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Reminding myself that this is summer. This the season I like best. I just stand there and stare trying to remember everything about this moment. Even if it doesn't seem so special to anyone else, it does to me.
Appreciate everything you can. Nothing stays forever. Embrace it.
Where I live. The trees. The sunset. The frogs that scare the hell out of me whenever I walk past them on the green. The warmth and subtle humidity in the air. The smell of someone doing laundry down the street. The infectious scent wafting in my direction. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Reminding myself that this is summer. This the season I like best. I just stand there and stare trying to remember everything about this moment. Even if it doesn't seem so special to anyone else, it does to me.
Nothing gold can stay...Isn't that ever so the truth. Isn't that the truth.
Appreciate everything you can. Nothing stays forever. Embrace it.
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