Saturday, July 14, 2012

How to Not Give a MF About What MF's Say About You. a.k.a Growing Thicker Skin

Growing up I was the awkward shy kid.  Never talked to anyone, shy around most people, afraid of crowds, afraid that a teacher would call on me and everyone would turn around and stare.  I could feel my face tingling, burning, turning a deep shade of crimson.  The insides of my ears felt like someone was pouring hot wax in them.  Of all things I wanted to remember about my childhood this is the crap I am forced to remember.  Having an older brother was difficult too.  When you're young and a boy it's a natural thing to hate girls, especially your little sister.  I would be called ugly, fat, loser, fatty cakes, David Letterman (thanks to 2 years of braces I'm no longer called that. Thank you), and just about every other nasty thing a brother could say.  Granted this childhood experience didn't help me growing up and becoming an adult.

Fast forward a few years....
I still get nervous if my college professor would call on me and I would have no friggin' idea what they were saying or what the answer was.  I felt dumb.  I felt like a waste of time being in their class, a waste of space.  I still get upset if someone says I've put on weight, my hair is frizzy, my skin is bad, or I look like death warmed over.

Just today I got into a really petty, stupid fight with a coworker.  She said things like a 12 year old girl would say on the playground.  "You're so ugly you can't get a date.  You have to look at dick on the internet because no one wants you in real life."  She also called me a name that I don't want to repeat on my blog (anywhere else I'd repeat it but not here.)  Sure her words upset me, but that's it.  They're only WORDS.  It's true sticks and stones, yada yada.  Some people are cruel for a reason.  You need to find that reason, and just learn to laugh it off.  For example:

1) She calls me ugly.   Ok, well apparently what she, and a lot of other people don't know, is that I used to model.  Are models ugly?  No.   Ok, joke's on her.

2) I can't get a date.  Well just because I don't spread my legs for the first man to buy me a beer doesn't make me any less of a person.  It doesn't make me ugly, stupid, a bitch, etc.  It means I have respect for myself.  I won't settle for less.  I've learned my lesson.


Anytime someone says anything negative to you or about you, just quickly analyze the situation.  It's not all about you.  Maybe they're having a bad day, they're stressed, overworked, or drunk.  Don't take things to heart.  You are letting them win and take your power!  Do not let them win!  Do not let them know you are upset by anything they say or do.

If someone talks crap about you to another person, why are they?  Are they afraid to face you personally?  It's a sign of weakness on their part.  Be the stronger person and just shrug it off.

You need to learn to have confidence in yourself.  Like yourself.  Make a list of accomplishments.  Make a list of goals.

You are who you are and if people don't like it...FUCK THEM!  Not worth your time.  You don't need people like that in your life.  

I'm not telling you to go be some narcissistic moron that nobody wants to talk to because all you do is brag about yourself, but be proud of who you are.  Again, like yourself.  Life is too short to wonder why people don't like you or talk shit.  Tell them to go fuck themselves (in your head of course) and just be on your merry way.


If you're traumatized by what has happened in your childhood go back and think about certain events. Why did it bother you so much?  If that event happened today would it still upset you?  Why?

Worried about rejection?  Everyone gets rejected.  Everyone.  If they say differently then they're fucking liars.


Don't live in the past.  Live everyday like it's your last and just have fun.  Enjoy.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Aoki: Oh No-ey!

*edit: Vanilla Bunny's first name is Eliy*

So after complaining that I never win ANYTHING from the Duran Duran fan club thingy I get an email one night saying that I won tickets (me +1) to a "secret" performance somewhere in NY.  Well that's so not helpful to me seeing that I live in freakin' Jersey.  Anyway that was all they were telling us.  I was so hoping that it wasn't another talk show/late night show.  I hate those.  Stand in line, get herded like cattle in a room that's 100+ degrees, and basically get treated badly.  (Ummm...NBC I be talking to YOU!) As the day got closer we were "fed" more and more minimal information.  "Wear whatever you want, it's an indoor 'concert', Steve Aoki will be there (who the fuck is that???), it's not a full concert and tell NOBODY.)  Well as you can guess nothing can remain secret regarding Duran Duran.  I can honestly say I told no one anything, only those that were already going.

Moving on...I called my co-worker Kathy, who I conned into going to see DD on Jimmy Fallon last March, and asked her if she wanted to go.  She has kids and a husband who works odd hours so she said probably not.  Fine.  No biggie.  Fortunately I knew of someone who's friend wanted to go.  Tada!

Ok June 20 (JT's bday, first day of summer, hottest and longest day of the freakin' year) is finally here and of course I am shit-tired cuz I didn't sleep much the night before.  Big surprise.  Get up at 7 am, get ready, head to the bus station at 8:30, and wait forever.  Bus finally comes and we pile in like sardines and off we go to NYC.  NJ Transit buses smell like crap.  I'm sorry but they do.  End of story.  We arrive in NYC around 11:15.  Yea going 2 mph in the Lincoln tunnel=scary shit!  I need a pill.  I wander around Port Authority taking in the sites and feeling like a tool cuz I have no idea how to navigate such a big building.   After a few minutes Sharmila and Shannon find me and off we go to find this venue.

We walk and walk and walk.  Taking in the fabulous smells of garbage and piss.  Mmm..aaaah.  We locate the venue, Terminal 5, and notice 2 people already waiting there.  Since I suck at remembering first names I will refer to her by her twitter name, Vanilla Bunny.  She and her friend flew in from California and have been waiting since 9 am or so.  We pull up a piece of cardboard and sit and wait.

Since my attention span is for crap I will just post some highlights here:

Steve=the man.  Thanks for supplying us with details, water, and most importantly Trident gum.

I should mention that the whole concert was sponsored by Trident Gum.  Ok whatever, I like Wrigley's.

Acura service place has a fabulous toilet.

I think the Chinese lady at the deli didn't charge me enough for my stuff.  Oops.

Lots of guys in suits at the Lexus place.

"Smells like....freezer burnt meat."

This crazy ass Aoki fan with her boyfriend.  Obviously high as fuck rambling on about God knows what. I just nod my head.  Whateverrrrrrrrr.

The people that worked the venue, or maybe it was Strike Force security, are rude.  "I don't want these people in there if they gonna fuckin' run!) Crazy ass bitch.

A couple of misunderstandings about VIP tix.

I got second row even though the Aoki fans had to go up front for his performance.  They were told they had to move back as soon as DD were on.  Did they? Nope.

I hate techno or whatever the fuck it is Aoki does.

Cake, champagne, and inflatable rafts.  'nuff said (?)

It smelled of rotten meat.

Show started about 8.  DD didn't go on til 9:40 (?)  I think they were done by 10.

By the time DD went on I had a migraine.

Many verbal fights.  DD fans vs Aoki fans.  Not pretty.

JT was laughing at us from the VIP area.  Bastard. :D

Technical difficulties...

"Play something funky."

Roger is fuckin hot.  Sorry but he is.

The remix of HLTW?  Meh...

Happy birthday, JT.

"play night boaaaaaaaaaaat"


But most of all I really enjoyed meeting new people that enjoy the same music I do.  Sharmila, Shannon, Petra, Eileen (my plus one), Jonee, Vanilla Bunny (what the hell is your first name?), Maya, Debbie, Cyndeeeeeeee, ummm I can't remember!  If I forgot you that means I'm a doof and doesn't mean you're not memorable.  Thanks for putting up with my sweaty, tired self.  You rock my socks.  Ok, end corny moment.

:D :D :D


A few pix:

say Cheesey

umm Helloooooo












JT laughing at us








somehow I ended up getting a crotchful of Anna

Friday, April 13, 2012

Feng Shui for the Agnostic or Listen to the NJ parkway

Anyone that knows me will know that I am a complete insomniac.  Tylenol PM, Unisom, Valerian Root, and melatonin don't seem to work as well anymore.  Could it be what I listen to before I close my eyes?  I can't sleep without any noise.  Sleeping in complete silence is maddening and I will lay awake for hours.

Growing up in our first family house was great.  I had the pleasure of having a bay in my backyard.  The sound of the little waves hitting the deck and the bulkhead.  <<<Splash, splash, splash>>>

Another sound I've grown accustomed to is the sounds of boats and jet skies whirring about in the water.  

Then we moved to another house where I would be lulled to sleep by the sound of a busy road plus a parkway.  I didn't need the T.V. on to be able to sleep.  I could and would be mesmerized by the different sounds and after a couple of nights they would be my own lullaby.

Now here comes the dilemma.  Third house.  Quiet.  Well it was until I realized that moving where you bed location is makes a great difference.   Now I have moved my bed right next to the window.  For a while now I've been afraid to sleep anywhere near a window thanks to stories about creepy men removing the screen and killing me.  Paranoid much?  Hello Lindburgh baby!   But in all seriousness I feel like I can sleep a lot better having my bed moved.  


Before:  my bed was on the South wall and pointed North.  

After reading some feng shui (be kind cuz I'm slow at this) I learned that your head should be facing the North and your feet should be pointing to the South.

Ok, so what's the big deal?  Does it really work?  Does rearranging your bedroom furniture make much of a difference?  Do you feel more relaxed, more loved, more wise, more successful?  

I moved my bed to the opposite wall and my dresser and tv to the opposite wall.  I must say it looks like I have a lot more room than usual, but I also feel more relaxed.  I am nowhere near being done with all the rearrangements. Does feng shui really have an effect on people?  Who knows.  Maybe I feel better because I can hear traffic now.  Just enough traffic sound to lull my to sleep and not jerk me out of bed at 3 in the morning.  


Feeling bored, curious, blah?  Find out your kua number first.  

MALE - take the single digit and subtract it from 10. Example: 1957 single number of 3; 10-3=7. The Kua number is 7. 

FEMALE - take the single digit and add 5. Using the 1957 single number of 3; 3+5=8. The Kua number is 8. 

Ok so what does this crap even mean?  Did you calculate your number yet?  Or are you just skipping the math part.  Don't worry it's easy.  You won't need a calculator or pencil and paper.  Just do it.  Got it?  Good.  

4 best/luckiest corners




4 worst/shittiest corners


















I'm hoping after about a week I will feel better/successful (ok well maybe not successful but you get the picture).  Will I be able to sleep more soundly without waking up in a cold sweat?  Who knows.  Is this feng shui just a pile of shit?  Who knows.


I also followed some of these rules/guidelines:

1) never have your feet pointing towards the door.  Coffin position.  Nuff said.
2) never have your bed between a door and a window.  
3) get rid of the mirrors in your room (easy peasy)
4) no sharp corners near your bed
5) invest in some curtains

Your bed room should be for that only.  Bed.  No television, computer, video games, cell phones, etc.  

So go find your kua numbers and check out these sites if interested in changing your room and your mind.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

untitled

not in one of those "write a bunch of upsetting shit til I find myself crying alone in my bed and wonder why I resemble a rabbit in the morning." Just not. Today was not a good day. To anyone else that isn't me it probably wouldn't have been that bad. A day or so before Thanksgiving I received a letter from Walmart saying that Coopervision was recalling certain contact lenses. (Why is Walmart sending me these letters? I go to the vision center in their store. Oi.) Side effects didn't seem that bad (no death, coma, decreased libido, purple spots, etc) just irritation and hazy vision. Well I have that all the time contacts or no contacts. Anyway I finally get to Walmart (another idiot move happened yesterday that prevented me from going) the supervisor (to whom I was supposed to talk to regarding this matter) said I had to make an appointment for a different day to get re-fitted. Re-fitted for what? You guys should have all of my measurements/prescriptions/whatever on my file. I asked the guy that made my appointment whether or not this would be considered a visit-visit or just a 15 minute doesn't have to go through insurance (which I DON'T have). He said he hadn't the faintest idea. Confidence right there. So now I have to go on Friday for this "visit." If it counts as a full visit I have no money to pay for it right now. I'm going away on Monday for a week which means I won't be working to make peanuts..I mean MONEY. Right. Everything goes wrong when I'm going away.

What else went wrong?

Let's see about 8 pairs of my pants DO NOT FIT. And not in the good way of not fitting. Started a fairly decent exercise regime and diet and it still isn't doing SHIT. I feel like ripping all of my clothes up. Tired of looking at clothes that will probably never fit me again. My left knee (which If you know...I'm talking to you Ceri cuz you seem like the only person that reads these or listens to me) has been hurting like crazy since August when I was in Florida. Got so bad I couldn't walk without dragging my foot or doing some kind of modified glide step. So exercising on bad knees just seems somewhat counterproductive. If the pain gets bad I'm stealing a wheel chair. Seriously.

It seemed that the scale at work was not calibrated. Well stupid me fixed it and I still weigh not 200 but a few kilos (i dunno kilos) less. But not much. What the hell? I eat just the same amount and the same kind of food. What is the fuckin deal? It's annoying and making me more depressed.

How can I be in a relationship of any kind with anyone else if I can't even say one thing nice about myself. If I wasn't me I'd tell myself to go fuck myself.


Goodnite.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Pre-Turkey, Be Quirky

*last night's blog has been CANCELED due to the weird skin reaction that I got from applying the thing I was going to review...*

Anyway,

I wouldn't say I like to lie to people I just like to embellish the truth a little. Make life a little more spicy in my rather bland "oatmeal" world. For instance I like to say that I was in certain music videos, preferably in my fave singers/bands videos. Ya see I betcha didn't know I was in a Steve Winwood video:


see? That's me right there. Yep.

Ok so that isn't me, but isn't life a little more spicy now? Sure it is.


Another thing I like to embellish about is guys I have dated, or just plain made out with. Example:


Oh Andrew, you can never do me wrong...
My hair was shorter then. I was experimenting with many options back then I have since grown my hair long.


I also like to pretend I'm friends with celebrities via Twitter.


@WilliamZabka
@thisistherealLC don't beat urself up. It took years to groom & they don't sell that brand of mouse anymore. #TrueColours by Vidal Sassoon



I mean Johnny Lawrence REALLY is my friend. He sends me messages through the cable box. Every morning at 3:00 when it restarts itself I know for a fact that Billy Zabka is thinking about me.
:dies:


Let's move on away from the "lies" shall we? Yes we shall.

So I made the stupid mistake of weighing myself at work. Heh. Obviously the scale is broken because I do NOT weigh 200 lbs. At least I hope not. Looking like an ostrich is not a good look for me. Although I would like to someday just bury my head in the sand. I made a "vow" before I go to Florida (Dec 5-12) that I would at least try to fit in one size smaller than I am. Can it be done? What about my roaring cheese addiction? Will that have to say "bye bye?" Well, yes. Sad. Cutting down on cheese is harder than quitting cigarettes. Seriously. Cheese probably won't cause emphysema (well I hope not) so you don't really associate cheese with bad things. Unless you eat a 2 lb block of it and your colon explodes then that is a different story completely. But yea I need to cut down on the cheese. No soda. No pop tarts. No fun. Gah! I also downloaded Leslie Sansone's 5 Mile Walk whatever thingy DVD. I thought the work out (which consists of..well..walking in place with some high impact alternatives) was going to be a piece of cake. Mmm..cake...*smacks head* WRONG! My legs are killing me. I did 2 miles of walking/jogging and I wanted to seriously projectile vomit all over the wall. I will not give up though. I "vow" (yes there's that dreaded word again) to do the workout everyday until the day I leave. I need to seriously cut the crap.

There I confessed. I am a cheese-a-holic, a cheesy, a cheese whore..


"what's he gonna confess? takin' a shit?"


I will keep you informed of such weight updates (well maybe...)

Current weight: 200 lbs (according to work..I just about died laughing)
Goal weight: anything less than that horrid number I just mentioned
Dress size: (ok, I don't wear dresses so I guess pant size?) 12
Goal: 00 (ha maybe if I cut 1/2 of my body off, including all of my arse)




Another thing I need to get done before Florida is my hair. Every picture I have of me shows off the fact that I have an enlarged forehead. In real life it isn't that big but pictures just make my head look like a globe or something. If you know me then you would know that I HATE getting my hair cut. HATE IT! When I was 16/17 I had David Bowie/Billy Idol hair, John Taylor burgundy hair, the awkward mullet stage, etc. Nowadays, forget it. I'm so paranoid that the hairdresser is going to cut my hair too short and I seriously have panic attacks.



If not a serious haircut then maybe some highlights.


Hmm maybe not.



Well that's Lauren's self-improvement for the week. Crap tomorrow's Thanksgiving. Turkey doesn't contain cheese so I should be good. But all those delicious pies will be staring me right in the face saying "Have some LC, we are GOOOOOD!" but no! I will punch those pies! NO NO NO!

To all my American readers (which is probably none) Happy Thanksgiving! and if you're not American then umm...Happy Thursday! :o)


Til we meet again,
-L-